November 8, 2006

Had an awesome birthday for those of you who
were wondering..


Here's the long awaited picture of Eeyor. He was the cutest kid on the block this halloween.
We attended the fall festival at our church and he got to ride the horses. He loved that part. He also got to play in a petting zoo. He particularly enjoyed brushing the animals. He brushed the goats. He brushed the bunnies. He brushed the ducks. He brushed the chickens, even the babies. Somehow, I deleted my horsey picture. I'll post that one later.

He insisted on bringing his airplane toy to the festival and pushed it around all day. He even got to bounce in a bounce house.



He loves riding the escalater now. Every time we go to the mall, he thinks its an amusement park. He says RIDE, RIDE, RIDE!!! And we have to go up and down the entire time we're there. Needless to say, we don't go to the mall often anymore.






He really got the hang of the trick or treating thing. We didn't say "trick or treat" though. We used this as an excellent opportunity to practice "Please and Thank You". He liked getting candy for that.

October 6, 2006

Okay... Here's a chance for all of you who are really up on the state of affairs and all the news and social issues.

What do you guys know about Darfur? Discuss....

October 4, 2006

I just want to update some new adorable pictures that I've taken lately. I got to take the day off today and had a glorious day with Eli. We went to the zoo, and got to go swimming, and played with G-Daddy and everything. I couldn't ask for a better time.

Check out this face!








That picture was taken a couple of months ago. We were actually at a resteraunt, but he was being extra sweet, so we had to get a picture of it. At the time, it wasn't happening very often. But life is getting much sweeter in the Shulse household every day now. We are learning a new thing everyday. (All of us, not just Eli... Mom and Dad are finally learning how to discipline... i.e. train up in righteousness. :) )

See the new trick Eli just learned! The child is fearless and you can see it in everything he does. He's also finally discovered the power of a stool (or chair, or table, or anything else he can find to stand on to get to what he wants.) This is a frusterating new development because I've always been able to put things on the countertop when I don't want him to have it, but now, he just climbs up there. Sometimes I'll walk back into the kitchen and find him in the sink.

So he's having to learn a difficult new word.... Obey. He can say it pretty well now, but it's the application of the word that's harder to handle. But he's getting it. I'm thinking of enrolling him in a mommy & me gymnastics class.

He loves to pray now. It's a very strange thing to say, that a two year old loves to pray. But I think he genuinly does. At meal times, he will sit down and hold our hands and listen very closely when we pray. And when we say amen, he says "AAAMMMMEEEENNN" In a pretty southern accent. At night time, I take him to his room, and pray with him in the chair, and he gets so still and so calm. I hope that he will always feel that way about Jesus.

He had a wonderful birthday. I suppose I should post a picture, but I'm not sure which one... We did so much. He had a party at Ms. Eva's house and then we got to go to Chucky Cheese, and on Saturday we went to the lake, and played with "G-DA BOAT!" (long story.) Thanks to all those who remembered and made his birthday such a special day!

More to come later!.... So check out what we did the first of October!

September 22, 2006

Here is part of an email I recently wrote to Chris (our minister) in regards to his sermon series on the Holy Spirit. I thought it might be interesting to get my friends in on this discussion to see what others have to say...

I have several of your lessons on the Holy Spirit downloaded to my MP3 player and listened to one that I missed on the train on the way to work this morning. Here’s what I’m struggling with. In your lesson, God in 3d, you spoke extensively about the trinity and attempted to explain the idea of 3 in one. The reason I say “attempted” is not because you didn’t do a great job. You did. But in my past experience with people explaining this, I have had so much difficulty wrapping my mind around it, that I have neglected thinking about it all together. I have just turned it off as one of those things I’ll never understand but just accept. I have heard the concept of the apple, how it’s got the skin, the meat and the seeds but it’s still an apple. But I don’t relate to an apple. I don’t relate to pie (crust, filling and sugar) very well either, or water (ice, steam, water). I just eat it (or drink it). You did a better job describing how you are a father, son and husband. But my question is about prayer. How do I relate in prayer to this one yet 3 being? It’s easy to be told I’ve done wrong by grieving the Holy Spirit with my anger, and that I’ve put out the Spirit’s fire by ignoring Godly wisdom and prophecy. I can work to fix that problem. But how do I pray?

The Bible says we are to pray to the Father (Matthew 6:9) in the name of the Son (John 14:14) and in the Spirit (Ephesians 6:18). How do we do these all at once while relating to Him as he is, and without compartmentalizing and boxing him up to fit some formula? How do I know if I am praying in the Spirit? I know how to recognize the Spirit working in my life by His fruit, but I’m not sure how that pans out to prayer. How do I address the Spirit when talking to the Father? Am I even supposed to address Him? And if not, how do I have a relationship with someone I won’t even address. I’m feeling very jumbled in my prayer life, not just because you have brought up this discussion on the Holy Spirit, but because I’ve always had these questions and they have been brought to the surface more recently in this series. I want to have a fuller, deeper relationship with the Spirit of God, but I’m still not sure how to go about doing that. I have always been one to follow the rules and feel guilty if I don’t, but I want more than that. Can you help me see this more clearly?

Any Takers?

September 13, 2006

Tracy has a beautiful posting on her blog right now about how God places people in our lives at just the right moments as we need them. She has some precious friends that have been sent for just that purpose. If you have a chance, stop by her blog and look at it. www.cirquesisk.blogspot.com.

Our grandmother passed away on September 1, 2006, at a beautifully lived 92 years of age. Please be watching for a peice about my grandmother in the near future. She was a precious woman, and I'd love for you to hear her story (at least as I see it.)

Elijah's birthday is tomorrow. Today was the last day he will ever be one again. Tomorrow he will be two. A kid. Not a baby. A kid. I don't know how I feel about that yet.

Bye Bye baby boy.

September 12, 2006

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

So this is the scripture memory for our cell group this week. I already knew this one. Memorized it a long time ago for LTC. I did it when I memorized 100 scriptures. At the time, most of them meant very little to me. Most of them just sounded good, and were very useful for sounding much more spiritual than I was. But there was no heart change through them. There was nothing in my heart at the time that made me look more like Jesus. Just words. Words from God no less, but words. So rather than having to memorize this word from God this week, I have had to plant it in my heart. I know it in my mind, but I know very little of the gravity of it’s meaning. I’ve never felt very powerful, but I understand the sentiment of being a jar of clay, or “earthen vessel” as other translations put it. Someone else may be able to help me with this a little more, but don’t clay pots have to be baked at very high temperatures before they can be used? I feel like one of those “pre-baked” ones. I’m soft on the edges, and still wobbly. You wouldn’t want to leave me out too long or I might fall apart. And it seems like God has to constantly keep his hands moving on me to keep me in position. I don’t feel like I’ll ever be beautiful, not like some of those other jars I see on the shelves. And I certainly don’t feel useful right now. Not like the vases, and bowls, and pitchers for water. (That’s what I’d really like to be, a water pitcher.) And I hardly think I could withstand the heat that that baking will require. I only pray that I will. So the part about being an earthen vessel really hits home to me. But this “all surpassing power”. That’s the cool part. To think that God wants to use this piece of clay, this me, this speck of dirt in his awesome creation, to do great things with his “all surpassing power” is beyond me to even imagine. To think that he may use me to give water to the thirsty, food to the hungry, or become a lamp for the world to see his light, amazes me and even surprises me. I often find it so hard to believe that I just don’t. But He said it. It’s right there in black and white, and how can I expect for Him to show up in living color if I won’t even be faithful in the black and white. So for me, this scripture isn’t another rule in the rule book. But the way I must be faithful to it is simply to believe it. Friends, and God, help me believe. Let’s remind each other of the ALL SURPASSING POWER that God is just waiting to demonstrate through our earthen vessels.

July 26, 2006

Please understand... I hardly have a second to put a post together, so you can only imagine that no editing has been done to make this presentable. Such is life.

So it’s been a while….

I could say it’s been a while since I’ve posted. It’s been a while since I’ve contacted anyone. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to think about anything. It’s just been a while.

To update: I’ve started working full time. The job is great. The people are great. The money is great. I miss my son. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions, and I’m working to have a positive attitude, and to continue pressing forward to be as much what Christ wants me to be as I can. A couple of years ago, when we started accountability and discussion, I mentioned that my purpose in life is to look like Jesus when its over. There are few boundaries to that. There is nothing that says I have to work or stay home, that I have to earn a lot of money or be poor. The bible talks about character and the development there of. And the physicals matter little to God.

So often I have tied my lot as a mother, working or stay at home, to my integrity as a person, and my values as a Christian. I would never judge those who have to work, but for me, I just couldn’t raise my child in the Lord without being home with him to raise him. Therefore, it was extremely difficult to hear “Congratulations” or “I’m excited for you” in regards to my achieving a new job. It’s always difficult to hear Congratulations when you feel like you have failed. However, I’m starting to recognize that it’s not about that at all. The best way that I can raise my child is offer him the best I have, and model the best I can be.

I’m learning so much from Jeremy. I’m beginning to see from him how to make the most of every opportunity. I’m learning to experience the joy of every moment spent with those we love, especially our son. I’m learning to make the most of each teachable moment, to be a wise and joyful example.

I’ve heard of a young man, whose only meaningful relationship was with his wife. He had a stay at home mother, but in his own words she was “a shell of a woman”. That could be said of any woman in any walk of life. I don’t want to be that. I want to be rich with life, and color, and love. When my son describes me, I want him to say, “my mother was poetry, beauty, and passion. I learned what to expect from a woman by my mother.”

Again, these are just things I’m working through, and they may not make any sense at all. But I don’t have much else to update. I have musings to come, (riding the train is really good people watching), but felt I should simply update first.

May 18, 2006

So I have to admit it...... I am terrified of potty training. Most people can't wait can't they?? They count the days till they can have their child out of diapers don't they? I mean it makes sense right? No more diapers to carry around, no more luggage to go to the grocery store, no more 20 dollars out of pocket every other week, no more midnight poopy changings. It sounds like eutopia doesn't it?

But I watched Scrubs the other night. And I have to admit I identified. Dr. Cox and Jordan were potty training their little boy. And he was doing a pretty good job. And they were feeling so proud and puffed up that they had finally gotten through the "hardest part of parenting". When, believe it or not, they found out in spite of TWO vasectamies, they were pregnant again. But as they were finding out, the little boy knocks on the bathroom door and says "I just made poopy in my bed so I put it on the TV".

Granted Jeremy and I laughed. It was one of the funniest things we'd ever seen. But at the same time, It was laughter laced with dread. See, when one of my nephews (who will remain unnamed) was around 3 and in the potty training stages, I remember babysitting. Somehow the child went to the bathroom and was gone a long time. This was not out of the ordinary. So I was not concerned. However when he returned, I knew I had met my doom. Fear was in his eyes as he confessed that he hadn't made it all the way to the potty. At 17, this was my worst fear confirmed. I went to the bathroom to assess the damage, and what I saw caused me to gag. He hadn't only not made it to the potty, but he had somehow managed to spread it all over the walls, shower door, potty and floor. And it was green. Luckily I was babysitting with a friend, and he was so kind and gentle to take over the clean up as I fainted in the other room.

So I'm afraid.. I'm afraid of the dirty underwear. I'm afraid of the multitudes of sheets I'll change, I'm afraid of the poop on the walls or the beds or the TV. I'm afraid of traumatizing him because I don't go about it the "right way". I'm afraid of the "pull ups vs. underroos", or of picking the wrong training potty. I'm afraid of the endless stopped up toilets and the floods in the bathroom every day. I'm afraid of the hiding to poop in your pants instead of the toilet. I'm afraid of the creative "poop artwork". I'm afraid.

Any encouragement?

May 16, 2006

On Mother's Day:

And I don't remember anymore, who I even was before.
You fill me up with love fill me up with love, and you help me stand....

Andrew Peterson

That was taken from a song called Family Man. It's written more to his wife I think than anything, but it seems to go so many ways. I've always considered that to be "our" song (mine and Jeremy's.) But now, there is so much more to those lyrics than that. Especially that part.. "I don't remember any more, who I even was before...."

Before, there were so many ways that Jeremy and I went our own way. We had our own interests, our own agenda, our own desires, our own goals. Our personalities were our own, our hearts, well, they belonged to each other, but I don't think we even gave that over fully until we had too. I vaguely remember being most passionate about the theater, education, spending time with friends, and entertainment. I remember searching for myself and what I wanted to do. I remember trying so hard to work out MY salvation, and make Myself more spiritual. I remember wanting so much. And yet, it seems like so little now.

And now, the little things have become the big things. Instead of memorizing lines for a play, I'm trying desperately to remember the lines and changes on my childs face. I'm trying so hard to remember what my hips looked like before the lines. Instead of working for days to put together a costume, I'm working to find the best diaper bag. And spiritually, all of a sudden, I realize, it's not about me at all. I am so secure in my salvation, but suddenly I realize, everything I do effects his salvation and spiritual future.

And how could someone so tiny fill up our lives in such a big way with love... Jeremy and I learn from him every day who we are, who we're going to be, and yep, even the meaning of life. Wrapped up in that tiny package. He's not perfect, but he fills us up with love.

I had a wonderful mother's day. We went to church. Talked about Hannah and her desperation for a child. I'm constantly convicted by the way she gave Samuel to God as she had promised. And suddenly at the same time, I hope I'll never have to physically give Elijah up, but I realize that I want nothing more than for him to be raised by God himself. Who better to teach him? I see how MY spirituality is so inadequate now. I can only pray as Hannah prayed that God will raise him up and mold him into something beautiful.

When your children are little, it's their daddy that really have to come through to honor their wives on mothers day. And Elijah's daddy is much like Eli. He fills me up with love, and he helps me stand. It was a perfect day.

But for now, I look at the picture on my wall of a little girl in an expensive dress with a long veil trailing behind her. She seems familiar to me. Like a little girl in a far off dream who was a friend once. But I don't remember anymore....

Now at the same time, I have to wander, is that how my own mother has felt for so long? Did she give up everything she ever was to become what she is to us? Do you remember mom, who you were so long ago? I have to thank you for that. I can't even guess how many time you have laid yourself down for our sakes, or how much of yourself you've actually given away to us. So I know it's a little late, but this mother's day, thank you. Thank you for becoming a mother for us. I love you still. And as we've always said, I may not be a baby anymore, but I'll always be your baby.

May 2, 2006

Falling in love again...

So the other night he asked to pray with me. And he went garage sailing with me on Saturday, (even though it was really hard to find one that would float). And this morning, he took out the trash.

i think he likes me.. :)

March 20, 2006

On Ministry...

Several months ago, Jeremy mentioned that to really be able to love others we must be able to accept love from others. That's something we all know, but don't always accept right? I mean, we know that we have to love ourselves to be able to love anyone else right? And part of that is we wouldn't take a gift from someone that loves us and say that because we aren't worth that gift we are going to throw it away. That would hurt the other's feelings. Same with love. Same with ministry.

It's funny how we are told in the church to be ministers or as Peter put it, "A holy priesthood." (1 Peter 2:5). We are also to encourage one another, not just the outside. To build one another up as a spiritual house. We are told to minister to one another just as we do to reach out to the world. They will know we are Christians by our love. But how can we do that, if there is no one to receive our ministry? How can we help, if no one will admit to their sickness. I've always hated that in the church. The Church face. Where we never admit we have a problem. And sometimes we never know it. We never accept help often because we don't want to be the ones to suck the church dry of their resources.

I hated it, but I realize I am the guilty party. Oh I'm willing to admit my mistakes, freely. But to accept ministry from the church... I've never felt comfortable with that. And because of that, I've been tied to so many wrong ideas, guilt, shame, and difficulty that I've always felt it was my responsibility to get out of. But how can we minister to one another if there is no one to receive our ministry?? My problem:: I've always wanted to be a minister. But I've never known how to be ministered to.

So there are these women in my church. They are so kind. They do things like help out with my child in the nursery one on one so I can actually go to bible study. They say things like "Your child is more than fine..." as he pulls all the extra papers out of their bibles and starts going through their purses. They pray over me and my finances. They bring toys to bible study so that he can play without having to go to the nursery. They have taught me about things I've always taken for granted but was so wrong about. Like the nature of guilt... And they have served as a healing balm for my spiritually broken heart. They have ministered to me whether I want them to or not. And it's sooo good. I'm learning that unless we all do this for each other, ministering at some times, and allowing ourselves to be ministered to at others, we'll never know what this love is supposed to look like.

But through those women, I'm seeing glimpses. And it's incredibly beautiful.

February 1, 2006

Mountains on the ocean floor ( a segment by Andrew Peterson)

I wish that I could shake it.
I wish that I was free.
I wish that I was half the man I wish that I could be.

There are mountains,
Mountains on the ocean floor.
They're moving up so slow.
No one ever knows.
No one ever knows.




I really ought to post the whole song. But I just can't get this part out of my head. I wish that I was half the person I wish that I could be.

I used to worry about what people think, whether I'm talking to much, pretty enough or have all the right stuff. And I still worry about these things, but not for the same reasons. I want so badly to get it right. At one time, I wanted these things so I could prove to the world I was worth something. Or so I could be better than those I esteemed in the heiarchy of personhood. And if I'm really honest, I still want that sometimes. But that's what kills me!! I even hate that I want it. I want so badly to simply be half the person I wish that I could be. I talked to a friend tonight that I hadn't spoken to in several years. And when I got off the phone, I had the same guilty feeling that I did too much talking and not enough listening. But this time, It was different. It wasn't cause I thought or wanted to be better than anyone. But I simply want to be better. What has happened in her life, in her heart, in her relationships??

Am I making any sense? I really care about these people but I feel that here on the ocean floor, I'm moving up soo slow. And they will never know. Not that I'm a better person, but just how wonderful they are to me.

For once in my life, I want something better for those that love me. Because I'm really not good enough on my own.

January 25, 2006

Quick poll...

Jogging at night in my neighborhood: Yay or Nay?

January 17, 2006

American Idol was really funny tonight..Anyone else see??

January 10, 2006

Happy Birthday Taylor!

I hope everyone's holiday was wonderful. Not much to say right now. But a lot is coming... So stay tuned!