Mountains on the ocean floor ( a segment by Andrew Peterson)
I wish that I could shake it.
I wish that I was free.
I wish that I was half the man I wish that I could be.
There are mountains,
Mountains on the ocean floor.
They're moving up so slow.
No one ever knows.
No one ever knows.
I really ought to post the whole song. But I just can't get this part out of my head. I wish that I was half the person I wish that I could be.
I used to worry about what people think, whether I'm talking to much, pretty enough or have all the right stuff. And I still worry about these things, but not for the same reasons. I want so badly to get it right. At one time, I wanted these things so I could prove to the world I was worth something. Or so I could be better than those I esteemed in the heiarchy of personhood. And if I'm really honest, I still want that sometimes. But that's what kills me!! I even hate that I want it. I want so badly to simply be half the person I wish that I could be. I talked to a friend tonight that I hadn't spoken to in several years. And when I got off the phone, I had the same guilty feeling that I did too much talking and not enough listening. But this time, It was different. It wasn't cause I thought or wanted to be better than anyone. But I simply want to be better. What has happened in her life, in her heart, in her relationships??
Am I making any sense? I really care about these people but I feel that here on the ocean floor, I'm moving up soo slow. And they will never know. Not that I'm a better person, but just how wonderful they are to me.
For once in my life, I want something better for those that love me. Because I'm really not good enough on my own.
