March 20, 2006

On Ministry...

Several months ago, Jeremy mentioned that to really be able to love others we must be able to accept love from others. That's something we all know, but don't always accept right? I mean, we know that we have to love ourselves to be able to love anyone else right? And part of that is we wouldn't take a gift from someone that loves us and say that because we aren't worth that gift we are going to throw it away. That would hurt the other's feelings. Same with love. Same with ministry.

It's funny how we are told in the church to be ministers or as Peter put it, "A holy priesthood." (1 Peter 2:5). We are also to encourage one another, not just the outside. To build one another up as a spiritual house. We are told to minister to one another just as we do to reach out to the world. They will know we are Christians by our love. But how can we do that, if there is no one to receive our ministry? How can we help, if no one will admit to their sickness. I've always hated that in the church. The Church face. Where we never admit we have a problem. And sometimes we never know it. We never accept help often because we don't want to be the ones to suck the church dry of their resources.

I hated it, but I realize I am the guilty party. Oh I'm willing to admit my mistakes, freely. But to accept ministry from the church... I've never felt comfortable with that. And because of that, I've been tied to so many wrong ideas, guilt, shame, and difficulty that I've always felt it was my responsibility to get out of. But how can we minister to one another if there is no one to receive our ministry?? My problem:: I've always wanted to be a minister. But I've never known how to be ministered to.

So there are these women in my church. They are so kind. They do things like help out with my child in the nursery one on one so I can actually go to bible study. They say things like "Your child is more than fine..." as he pulls all the extra papers out of their bibles and starts going through their purses. They pray over me and my finances. They bring toys to bible study so that he can play without having to go to the nursery. They have taught me about things I've always taken for granted but was so wrong about. Like the nature of guilt... And they have served as a healing balm for my spiritually broken heart. They have ministered to me whether I want them to or not. And it's sooo good. I'm learning that unless we all do this for each other, ministering at some times, and allowing ourselves to be ministered to at others, we'll never know what this love is supposed to look like.

But through those women, I'm seeing glimpses. And it's incredibly beautiful.