July 26, 2006

Please understand... I hardly have a second to put a post together, so you can only imagine that no editing has been done to make this presentable. Such is life.

So it’s been a while….

I could say it’s been a while since I’ve posted. It’s been a while since I’ve contacted anyone. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to think about anything. It’s just been a while.

To update: I’ve started working full time. The job is great. The people are great. The money is great. I miss my son. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions, and I’m working to have a positive attitude, and to continue pressing forward to be as much what Christ wants me to be as I can. A couple of years ago, when we started accountability and discussion, I mentioned that my purpose in life is to look like Jesus when its over. There are few boundaries to that. There is nothing that says I have to work or stay home, that I have to earn a lot of money or be poor. The bible talks about character and the development there of. And the physicals matter little to God.

So often I have tied my lot as a mother, working or stay at home, to my integrity as a person, and my values as a Christian. I would never judge those who have to work, but for me, I just couldn’t raise my child in the Lord without being home with him to raise him. Therefore, it was extremely difficult to hear “Congratulations” or “I’m excited for you” in regards to my achieving a new job. It’s always difficult to hear Congratulations when you feel like you have failed. However, I’m starting to recognize that it’s not about that at all. The best way that I can raise my child is offer him the best I have, and model the best I can be.

I’m learning so much from Jeremy. I’m beginning to see from him how to make the most of every opportunity. I’m learning to experience the joy of every moment spent with those we love, especially our son. I’m learning to make the most of each teachable moment, to be a wise and joyful example.

I’ve heard of a young man, whose only meaningful relationship was with his wife. He had a stay at home mother, but in his own words she was “a shell of a woman”. That could be said of any woman in any walk of life. I don’t want to be that. I want to be rich with life, and color, and love. When my son describes me, I want him to say, “my mother was poetry, beauty, and passion. I learned what to expect from a woman by my mother.”

Again, these are just things I’m working through, and they may not make any sense at all. But I don’t have much else to update. I have musings to come, (riding the train is really good people watching), but felt I should simply update first.