July 22, 2005

JEREMY GOT AN INTERVIEW WITH TONY ROMA'S!!!

Keep praying guys.

July 22, 2005

Why am I moved by stories of Eden?
What does this 'lovely sadness' mean?
Am I just a traveler, who cannot remember home?
Why do I cry sometimes in dreams?

Billy Crockett

I feel that way constantly. We always sing of our home in heaven, but so often I feel so detached from those songs. It's as if I'm supposed to remember this place called home, but I don't. And sometimes it makes me feel left out. And right now, I'm feeling displaced. Is it possible that I could love Jesus more than my husband, my son, my mom and dad? Is it really possible that when we get there, we won't miss the other things? Because I really love my people here, and I guess I'm a little distracted by that. Friends, I hope you'll excuse me for being candid, but these are my true to life thoughts, and I guess if that means my faith is less than, then maybe that's something to pray for.

God, please give me small glimpses of heaven so that I may long for the day that you've created for me. And please show me the joy that comes with this life, despite where I may be located. I know that your son had no place to lay his head.. Why should I?

I'm afraid some of my more prayerful posts are becoming depressing. I hope that isn't the case but I'm trying really hard to be more honest with myself and with others about who I am in Christ. Which is nothing really in the grand scheme of things. But all I can do is pray that through the honesty, I may become different, and better.

i know why the caged bird sings..

Actually I don't. I am a caged bird, and I've all but stopped singing.

I don't think he knows either..

July 21, 2005

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things wil be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

How much would my life be different if I actually put that into practice? What if instead of first praying "Oh God please find us a job and a home and some money", what if I prayed that we would find Him and His kingdom and His righteousness? I have been struggling with that so much lately. I have faith that God has an awesome opportunity for us, but for some reason I can't muster up the faith to believe that he's powerful enough to get us there. And time is running out. But what if... Just what if I spent more time worrying about how I can be kinder, gentler, more understanding, more patient...more like Jesus, than worrying about "what shall we eat? or what shall we drink? or what shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them." What if I sought first His kingdom? What if I don't even know what that means? What if I don't have enough faith? What if I'm too weak? What if God doesn't come through with the things that we need?

God please give me the faith that I need for today, and show me what it means to truly seek you instead of all these things. Help me to distinguish between need and want and to trust that you will take care of my needs. God I want to be brave, and wise and more like Jesus today than I was yesterday. Please make me a seeker.

July 15, 2005

Okay he has now learned to say "Uh Oh" and he says it alot. But not as much as he says DADA. I think that he has decided to make it kind of a joke. Everytime we say MAMA to get him to say it now, he says DADA. He will mimic just about anything else we want to teach him, but not MAMA. It's okay though. My feelings aren't hurt. I'm still the one he asks for when it's time to go to bed. And I'm still the one he wants to see when he wakes up scared in the night or when he bonks his head. (Which is a really frequent thing.)

And what's not to love about that face!! He's practically a supermodel!

Anyway, on an accountability note... I remember when I was in high school, I made an effort to memorize as much scripture as possible. And now, alot of that scripture is filtering into my life at various moments in the day, which I'm thankful for. But it's as though it's beckoning me to come back and read and talk to God more. Which I have been struggling with actually doing in the last few weeks. So girls. I know we haven't been very up to date on accountability lately, but I really need it. Beat me to make me do this. Call me late in the night and ask about it. Do what you have to do. At least continue to pray for us right now.

I really liked Jackie's theme on hero's . I'm starting to feel it too. I've got alot of hero's stepping in right now. This week it's Jen and Melody. Who know's whats' to come!

July 15, 2005

Thank God for sisters-in law. I went out with Melody last night and had a blast. I have been really blessed with wonderful sisters in Jeremy's family. We talked and talked and talked. We think we're going to get together weekly. I'm glad. I was starting to get sooo lonely. I know God's taking care of me.

Anyway, this is just a quick update. I'm supposed to be feeding Eli breakfast, but I just gave him a piece of toast and a sippy cup so I could check email. He's going to get bored soon.

I'll update more later.

July 8, 2005

Okay. So I have my test tomorrow. It's hopeless. I've tried to study. But I hate studying for things when the only real thing they tell you is to study all the material from everything you ever had. It's just a little overwhelming. I just hope I pass.

But I've decided that I can't be everything for everybody, and I have my priorities. Family is still top priority, and Elijah is a full time job. Why haven't I studied much for this test?? Because I'm busy with what's most important to me. And if that's a problem, oh well. Yes I do want to be a teacher someday and I don't want to waste a degree. But Elijah is still my responsibility and I have to do what I have to do. So I'm saying ahead of time, if I fail this test, please don't give me a hard time. (I'm saying this to myself as well as to anyone else who might consider giving me trouble about it.) I just pray I pass so I don't have to take any more English classes.

And I'm home right now. If only for a day. My bed is the most comfortable thing in the world. My chair is next in line. I love being at home. I've been really homesick. I yearn to hear songs about home lately and I'm having to remind myself that nowhere here is really home.

So anyway, I guess I'm a little depressed.

July 7, 2005

I'm coming home today!!!

Jeremy is going to hitch a ride to work tomorrow, and I'm coming home a day early to get ready for the TExES exam.

Can't wait to get there.

Jackie get ready to move again!

July 5, 2005

I survived. When I woke on Sunday morning I felt a thousand percent better. Which was good because I really wanted to go to church. It is really wonderful to actually be able to be excited about church again. I had wanted to take Elijah to cradle roll class for the first time, but because it was a holiday, there were no classes. But Eli was really good in church anyway, and the sermon really hit home for me. He talked about how the early church had everything in common and total dependence on Christ and because of that they were able to give to every person as they had need.

He pointed out a verse in Ezekial that I had never read before so I wrote it down because it really cut. But I left it in my Bible and that is in the car and Jeremy has the car, so I'll have to get it later.

Okay so this has been on my mind alot lately. And it applies to so many aspects of life. My mom always made this statement to me as a kid: What is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular.

It's really simple, but it's becoming very meaningful to me here right now.

Thoughts?

July 2, 2005

I'm sick today. Really sick. I think I'm dying.

July 1, 2004

Life is better today. Elijah slept normally last night after a few wakings in the evening before I went to bed. I feel more rested although my throat feels as though it has a baseball stuck in it.

I think I'm going to give my thirty day notice to our apartment complex today. It's going to be costly, but we have to do it. So it looks like we'll officially be moving out of Nacogdoches at the end of the month. We're most likely moving in with my in-laws right now, but maybe..

Jeremy has a phone interview for a graphics design position with Tony Roma's. The Job would be awesome for him. The catch... it's in Plano. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but we would have to find a place to live that we could afford quickly.

Guys please keep praying.