Mountains on the ocean floor ( a segment by Andrew Peterson)
I wish that I could shake it.
I wish that I was free.
I wish that I was half the man I wish that I could be.
There are mountains,
Mountains on the ocean floor.
They're moving up so slow.
No one ever knows.
No one ever knows.
I really ought to post the whole song. But I just can't get this part out of my head. I wish that I was half the person I wish that I could be.
I used to worry about what people think, whether I'm talking to much, pretty enough or have all the right stuff. And I still worry about these things, but not for the same reasons. I want so badly to get it right. At one time, I wanted these things so I could prove to the world I was worth something. Or so I could be better than those I esteemed in the heiarchy of personhood. And if I'm really honest, I still want that sometimes. But that's what kills me!! I even hate that I want it. I want so badly to simply be half the person I wish that I could be. I talked to a friend tonight that I hadn't spoken to in several years. And when I got off the phone, I had the same guilty feeling that I did too much talking and not enough listening. But this time, It was different. It wasn't cause I thought or wanted to be better than anyone. But I simply want to be better. What has happened in her life, in her heart, in her relationships??
Am I making any sense? I really care about these people but I feel that here on the ocean floor, I'm moving up soo slow. And they will never know. Not that I'm a better person, but just how wonderful they are to me.
For once in my life, I want something better for those that love me. Because I'm really not good enough on my own.
14 comments:
None of us are good enough on our own though. That is why we need to help and encourage one another always. Of course that is something I rarely do for my friends and it is something that I am ashamed of.
I am not very good at making sure my friends know how much they mean to me either. It is something that I need to change.
So in light of that:
Gina you are an absolutely wonderful friend. And although I laugh at you sometimes, what I really enjoy is laughing with you. You have become an amazing mother which has been incredible to witness. You are dear to my heard and I love you.
*that would be heart at the end. Darn TYPO!!! lol
Gina, you tower over anyone I know. Especially myself. I could never be half the mother as you, half the christian as you, half the PERSON as you. If you think of yourself that way, the things I have to say and do seen just plain stupid! Tracy
How could I say anything that would bring you any comfort after all these wonderful comments? Other than...you must be someone very special for bruuuuuuce to say such wonderful things to you.
Thank you for baring your soul to us once again. I hope that just getting it out there will give you some freedom from the guilt that you wrote about. I know that it helps me.
AND...whether or not you know it, you do show us that you care in your own little ways. You are always cooking for us, and you let us talk to you about anything. It's sad when I have to ask a friend if sex is a topic that we are allowed to talk about. It's not like that with you...we can talk about anything and everything, and it's never awkward. No topic is off limits...I miss that.
Oh, and by the way, how many people in this world can say that they have a friend who cares enough to rub their cramping butt muscles for them while they are in labor? ...I may be the only one.
Was I fishing for compliments? Sorry if it seemed that way.
However, thank you for hearing my frustrations.
Bruce and Jackie, wow. You guys are amazing and made me cry by the way. You have no idea what you two mean to me and how much I do cherish the opportunities I have to laugh with you listen to you, and yap your ear off. (I'm pretty good at the latter, and your both so good at listening.) I love you both and am so glad that you each came into my life so mysteriously the way that you did. You're irreplacable. And it's good to know that I'm not the only one who thinks the way I think after finally getting in touch with old friends. I was starting to think I'd never make sense.
Tracy. You have no idea how amazed I am every time I come away from you. I'm blown away by what you can do and say and think. You are absolutely brilliant and you don't even know it. The first time I read your blog, I was shocked. Not by the spelling, but by the amazing things you write. And the amazing things you do on a daily basis as though it's commonplace. You save people's lives, and you'd do it for a hobby! Your heart and your passion is as big as your dreams that outstretch your lifetime. And as far as mother, christian, person; your experience is going to carry you further in ministry than you think. I really believe that. Not stupid all. I love you.
I think that we all have dreams as kids. I just have so many still, and am having trouble sorting out what's most important. So all I can say is I want to become better. Not better than anyone in particular, but better than myself. I'm not sure what else to dream of. Should I try to save the world, or raise my son to do that? Should I have a job, or work extra hard to love and encourage my husband and take care of our child? And what value is that to the world? And does it matter?
Amy, I was just glad I was done with that. So of course I'd rub your butt!
And you are doubly blessed. You had Vickie there rubbing too!
YOu say you feel like a mountain on the ocean floor. Something that is growing and only God notices. What difference does it make to be groing so far beneath the surface? It matters to the fish. And I think you have provided shelter, food, and an entire ecosystem to all of us guppies, sharks, and even those of us who feel like whales from time to time.
You matter to the fish.
I love you my little guppie.
I love you my littel Baluga.
So am I a clown fish???? Just call me nemo. tracy
Nope. You, my dear, are a Regal Blue Tang. (Dory)
WAIT.....DORY IS THE AIRHEAD?????
She's not an airhead. Actually she's brilliant! She just suffers from short term memory loss. It's cool. :)
gina look aty my new blog.
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