So I have to admit it...... I am terrified of potty training. Most people can't wait can't they?? They count the days till they can have their child out of diapers don't they? I mean it makes sense right? No more diapers to carry around, no more luggage to go to the grocery store, no more 20 dollars out of pocket every other week, no more midnight poopy changings. It sounds like eutopia doesn't it?
But I watched Scrubs the other night. And I have to admit I identified. Dr. Cox and Jordan were potty training their little boy. And he was doing a pretty good job. And they were feeling so proud and puffed up that they had finally gotten through the "hardest part of parenting". When, believe it or not, they found out in spite of TWO vasectamies, they were pregnant again. But as they were finding out, the little boy knocks on the bathroom door and says "I just made poopy in my bed so I put it on the TV".
Granted Jeremy and I laughed. It was one of the funniest things we'd ever seen. But at the same time, It was laughter laced with dread. See, when one of my nephews (who will remain unnamed) was around 3 and in the potty training stages, I remember babysitting. Somehow the child went to the bathroom and was gone a long time. This was not out of the ordinary. So I was not concerned. However when he returned, I knew I had met my doom. Fear was in his eyes as he confessed that he hadn't made it all the way to the potty. At 17, this was my worst fear confirmed. I went to the bathroom to assess the damage, and what I saw caused me to gag. He hadn't only not made it to the potty, but he had somehow managed to spread it all over the walls, shower door, potty and floor. And it was green. Luckily I was babysitting with a friend, and he was so kind and gentle to take over the clean up as I fainted in the other room.
So I'm afraid.. I'm afraid of the dirty underwear. I'm afraid of the multitudes of sheets I'll change, I'm afraid of the poop on the walls or the beds or the TV. I'm afraid of traumatizing him because I don't go about it the "right way". I'm afraid of the "pull ups vs. underroos", or of picking the wrong training potty. I'm afraid of the endless stopped up toilets and the floods in the bathroom every day. I'm afraid of the hiding to poop in your pants instead of the toilet. I'm afraid of the creative "poop artwork". I'm afraid.
Any encouragement?
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
May 16, 2006
On Mother's Day:
And I don't remember anymore, who I even was before.
You fill me up with love fill me up with love, and you help me stand....
Andrew Peterson
That was taken from a song called Family Man. It's written more to his wife I think than anything, but it seems to go so many ways. I've always considered that to be "our" song (mine and Jeremy's.) But now, there is so much more to those lyrics than that. Especially that part.. "I don't remember any more, who I even was before...."
Before, there were so many ways that Jeremy and I went our own way. We had our own interests, our own agenda, our own desires, our own goals. Our personalities were our own, our hearts, well, they belonged to each other, but I don't think we even gave that over fully until we had too. I vaguely remember being most passionate about the theater, education, spending time with friends, and entertainment. I remember searching for myself and what I wanted to do. I remember trying so hard to work out MY salvation, and make Myself more spiritual. I remember wanting so much. And yet, it seems like so little now.
And now, the little things have become the big things. Instead of memorizing lines for a play, I'm trying desperately to remember the lines and changes on my childs face. I'm trying so hard to remember what my hips looked like before the lines. Instead of working for days to put together a costume, I'm working to find the best diaper bag. And spiritually, all of a sudden, I realize, it's not about me at all. I am so secure in my salvation, but suddenly I realize, everything I do effects his salvation and spiritual future.
And how could someone so tiny fill up our lives in such a big way with love... Jeremy and I learn from him every day who we are, who we're going to be, and yep, even the meaning of life. Wrapped up in that tiny package. He's not perfect, but he fills us up with love.
I had a wonderful mother's day. We went to church. Talked about Hannah and her desperation for a child. I'm constantly convicted by the way she gave Samuel to God as she had promised. And suddenly at the same time, I hope I'll never have to physically give Elijah up, but I realize that I want nothing more than for him to be raised by God himself. Who better to teach him? I see how MY spirituality is so inadequate now. I can only pray as Hannah prayed that God will raise him up and mold him into something beautiful.
When your children are little, it's their daddy that really have to come through to honor their wives on mothers day. And Elijah's daddy is much like Eli. He fills me up with love, and he helps me stand. It was a perfect day.
But for now, I look at the picture on my wall of a little girl in an expensive dress with a long veil trailing behind her. She seems familiar to me. Like a little girl in a far off dream who was a friend once. But I don't remember anymore....
Now at the same time, I have to wander, is that how my own mother has felt for so long? Did she give up everything she ever was to become what she is to us? Do you remember mom, who you were so long ago? I have to thank you for that. I can't even guess how many time you have laid yourself down for our sakes, or how much of yourself you've actually given away to us. So I know it's a little late, but this mother's day, thank you. Thank you for becoming a mother for us. I love you still. And as we've always said, I may not be a baby anymore, but I'll always be your baby.
And I don't remember anymore, who I even was before.
You fill me up with love fill me up with love, and you help me stand....
Andrew Peterson
That was taken from a song called Family Man. It's written more to his wife I think than anything, but it seems to go so many ways. I've always considered that to be "our" song (mine and Jeremy's.) But now, there is so much more to those lyrics than that. Especially that part.. "I don't remember any more, who I even was before...."
Before, there were so many ways that Jeremy and I went our own way. We had our own interests, our own agenda, our own desires, our own goals. Our personalities were our own, our hearts, well, they belonged to each other, but I don't think we even gave that over fully until we had too. I vaguely remember being most passionate about the theater, education, spending time with friends, and entertainment. I remember searching for myself and what I wanted to do. I remember trying so hard to work out MY salvation, and make Myself more spiritual. I remember wanting so much. And yet, it seems like so little now.
And now, the little things have become the big things. Instead of memorizing lines for a play, I'm trying desperately to remember the lines and changes on my childs face. I'm trying so hard to remember what my hips looked like before the lines. Instead of working for days to put together a costume, I'm working to find the best diaper bag. And spiritually, all of a sudden, I realize, it's not about me at all. I am so secure in my salvation, but suddenly I realize, everything I do effects his salvation and spiritual future.
And how could someone so tiny fill up our lives in such a big way with love... Jeremy and I learn from him every day who we are, who we're going to be, and yep, even the meaning of life. Wrapped up in that tiny package. He's not perfect, but he fills us up with love.
I had a wonderful mother's day. We went to church. Talked about Hannah and her desperation for a child. I'm constantly convicted by the way she gave Samuel to God as she had promised. And suddenly at the same time, I hope I'll never have to physically give Elijah up, but I realize that I want nothing more than for him to be raised by God himself. Who better to teach him? I see how MY spirituality is so inadequate now. I can only pray as Hannah prayed that God will raise him up and mold him into something beautiful.
When your children are little, it's their daddy that really have to come through to honor their wives on mothers day. And Elijah's daddy is much like Eli. He fills me up with love, and he helps me stand. It was a perfect day.
But for now, I look at the picture on my wall of a little girl in an expensive dress with a long veil trailing behind her. She seems familiar to me. Like a little girl in a far off dream who was a friend once. But I don't remember anymore....
Now at the same time, I have to wander, is that how my own mother has felt for so long? Did she give up everything she ever was to become what she is to us? Do you remember mom, who you were so long ago? I have to thank you for that. I can't even guess how many time you have laid yourself down for our sakes, or how much of yourself you've actually given away to us. So I know it's a little late, but this mother's day, thank you. Thank you for becoming a mother for us. I love you still. And as we've always said, I may not be a baby anymore, but I'll always be your baby.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
May 2, 2006
Falling in love again...
So the other night he asked to pray with me. And he went garage sailing with me on Saturday, (even though it was really hard to find one that would float). And this morning, he took out the trash.
i think he likes me.. :)
So the other night he asked to pray with me. And he went garage sailing with me on Saturday, (even though it was really hard to find one that would float). And this morning, he took out the trash.
i think he likes me.. :)
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