April 13, 2005

Caught one. It was about the size of my hand. Actually Jeremy caught it. We let Elijah watch it flop around while Jeremy took the hook out. And then, ever the compassionate one, Jeremy put the remains of the worm in the fish's mouth before throwing it back into the water. Eli was kind of fascinated. You never know. I really wanted to take him fishing though. I know he's only 7 months old, but his daddy loves fishing, and I know that is something they can do together for a long time. Even if they never catch anything.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to stream in the desert in Midland. Yesterday I was listening to the cd's of the sermons and because I did not make it in time for the leadership conference I listened to those services first. One of them really caught me. Mike Cope used an age old verse, that we've all heard time and time again. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, I'll not type the whole thing. But we all know it, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..." He talked about lightening up, and letting God be his own interpreter, and making choices. If I tried to write it all down, or sum it up I probably wouldn't be able to do it justice. But in essence, what he said to me was to make the most of every opportunity. People have told me that so many times, but somehow it computed this time.

Since I first found out I was pregnant with Elijah, I have struggled with intense anxiety. When pregnant, I would wake up in the night with panic/anxiety attacks. I would and do worry about everything under the sun. I worry about fire, kidnapping, SIDS, burns, drowning, etc... Anything that concerns the possibility of me losing that baby. One could attribute it to postpardum depression, I'm not sure. To be honest, I haven't been to a doctor about it. I get nervous even talking to Jeremy.

But the fact is, I'm not promised another day with Elijah. Or Jeremy. Or anyone else for that matter. And I've known that since the day my child was born. And he is perfectly healthy. But I have forgotten to remember that God knows the number of his days. Not one hasn't been accounted for. And God created him perfect for me and jeremy. Everything about him is a perfect match, even the span of his life. And if I don't lighten up, I'll miss it.

People ask the question so many times, "If you knew you were dying, what would you do today?" But I don't think that's really a fair question. Because the fact is, most people don't know when their days will end and those who do, don't usually have the liberty to do whatever it is that they want to do with their final days. We have to live our lives, go to work, take care of our families, and use the many or few resources that we have. So a better question might be, "If you knew you were dying, what would you do today with the resources and location you have." And my answer is pretty simple. Yesterday I went fishing with my family. Today we had a picnic on Jeremy's lunch break and fed the ducks. See..

This is the Day the Lord has made!!

So thanks Mike, for the message you gave us at Stream. It may be a far stretch from what you intended, and I know it's so very simple. But it meant alot to me. I have been given an incredible opportunity to show Jesus to a little person who probably knows Him better than me, and I can do so much of a better job if I forget to worry about when my job is done.